Friday, May 21, 2010

Say What??

Even I can admit that when I go on vacation maybe I'm not thinking 100% of the time. I cannot say, however, I was prepared for all the things that come out of tourist's mouths. So as you read this, file it away for your next vacation. When you're tempted to ask/say any of the below- remember this post and DON'T DO IT!

- Do you work here? One of my friends used to tell people that he lost his wallet and is just working to make enough money to get home. Another one tells them that he missed the cruise ship and is trying to make money to fly to the next port and catch it there. Yes, I work here. I'm wearing a shirt that matches the bar name- that should be your first clue. Common sense- is it too much to ask for?

- Do you live here? Seriously- I cannot tell you how many times this question was asked. Um, where do you think I live? Tim likes to tell people that, no, he does not. Rather he takes the tunnel from Puerto Rico (or Miami) everyday. You have no idea how many people exclaim, "I had NO idea there was a tunnel, that's so cool!" I actually once had a guy point at the houses on the hills and ask if people lived in them. No, dude, it's just decor for you to look at from up here. Of course people live in them- they are HOUSES!

- Oh! We didn't expect you to speak English! Are you kidding me? #1 we are IN the US; I understand that the West Indian dialect may not SOUND like English but it is. I swear. #2 what do I LOOK like I speak??

- Do you take American money? I reiterate- we are IN the US. This may also go along with the couple that was dumbfounded we don't accept Canadian money and asked me multiple times to be sure. They only had $8 in American currency and no credit cards, I'm not sure how they made it through the rest of their vacation.

- Is it expensive to live here? or How much do you pay to live here? or Do you make enough money to live? I have no idea what your idea of expensive is. I'm also not getting in your pockets asking what you do and how much you make. Why do you think it's okay to do the same thing to me? I know you are just curious but let's have a little respect.

- Do you have to drive the golf cart on the left side of the path too? The course here is JUST like courses in the US- the path is kind of a one way type of deal. There is no left or right so, technically, yes, you have to drive on the LEFT side of the one way path. To be fair, we can tell the difference between tourists and locals by the way the go around the round-abouts (left vs. right) but it's not a life or death choice.

Miscellaneous Quotes (these are specific to STT and to us or our friends so you'd likely never ask them but they are so absurd it tells you just how far some people's minds drift on vacation)

- If no one lives on the island, why did they build such a pretty beach? This one was to Tim who was pointing out Hans Lolick. It is an island that you can see from the 14th hole on the course and owned by a resort company. As he was explaining that the resort company is selling it because it is only zoned for residential the man interrupted and asked the above question. Tim was dumbfounded.

- It's closer to get to the beach by from up here right? I work 700 feet above St. Thomas. The beach is at ground level. You do the math.

- The cat is attacking the dinosaur!! Again, this one is from Tim. It's pretty well known that we have iguanas running all over the island. The course also has a 'course cat' named Paris who hangs out on the back 9 (I think his owner lives somewhere in the condos). One day Paris decided the iguanas were too much for him and, I guess, showed them who was boss. The poor tourists watching this were very distressed and called the clubhouse to report it.

- How do the cruise ships find St. Thomas if it's always floating? I cannot remember who told me they were asked this so I apologize for not giving credit but it HAD to go in here!!

Don't get me wrong- I'm not really complaining. I find most of these to be very humorous and my livliehood is in the tourists. I sometimes just wonder what people are thinking!! If any of my STT followers have more to add, comment away!!


  1. OMG!!! mary i love it...the banter of mary, tim and the tourist!!--tara

  2. Yup, heard them all (in 30 years you get that) especially the one about "do you live here?". When I was in the boating industry, I once had someone ask me to take her around in the dinghy to collect water samples and soon realized she was looking for the water that was in the clearest blue sections (as in no coral or sea grass below or in a more shallow area). Little did she know that all the water in her proximity was the SAME color! Shock!

    Love your are a funny writer!